


How To Hurt Me

by Harleythegeekqueen



Series: How To Treat Me Universe [3]
Category: SPN, Supernatural
Genre: AU, Angst, Car Accident, F/M, Language, M/M, Smut, minor fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-18 14:10:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11876181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harleythegeekqueen/pseuds/Harleythegeekqueen
Summary: It’s been two years since her friends found out about her tryst with John Winchester. Coming back into town after all that time brings its own set of challenges and feelings that she desperately wanted to forget.





	How To Hurt Me

**Author's Note:**

> So originally, this was supposed to be a sweet ending with no angst and then in the course of writing it this happened. It’s angsty and a bit lifetime movie but I think it works better than I planned. I’m thinking one more part after this one. All errors are my own, gifs/photos found through google, and as always thank you so much for reading!

    Whispered words were spoken into my ear as a hand ran through my hair, “Come on sweetheart. Open those beautiful eyes of yours.” I shot up in bed looking around wildly hearing John’s voice so clear in my head but finding myself alone. I was always alone. I exhaled a deep breath and fell back against the bed trying to expel the horrible memories. It’d been nearly two years since that day and I hoped eventually I wouldn’t be haunted by it.

    Needless to say, I had a three-hour drive ahead of me and within the next twenty-four hours, I’d probably run right back into the Winchesters. My stepmother was holding some kind of big celebration for my father’s new promotion and insisted I had to attend. I’d crafted excuses to not return home since I left two years ago for school but I’d run out and frankly it’d be nice to see some old friends. I jumped forcing myself through a lukewarm shower and grabbed my overnight bag before heading out.

    I hoped blasting the music loudly would wipe out the residual memories brought forth by the dream, but it was hopeless:

_I woke up to find myself alone in John’s bed. I still had my clothes on but my shoes had been taken off and placed next to the bed. I quickly pulled them on hearing loud voices coming from the living room._

_“Sam, it’s not really any of your business. She’s legal and can make her own choices,” I was surprised to hear Dean had come home and was defending what Sam had discovered._

_“Dean she’s only eighteen. She’s barely had a boyfriend before,” Jess offered as you looked in. John was sitting silently to the side drinking amber liquid from a glass tumbler. “Not to mention you know what a dickhead her Dad is. He’ll fucking swear John has been with her before she was legal.”_

_“Enough!” John growled swallowing the last of the drink and standing up between his sons. “When she wakes up I’ll end this. It was a mistake and neither of us were thinking beyond what it was. It was just sex.”_

_I gasped at his words feeling heartbroken but everyone turned to stare at me as tears welled in my eyes. Thankfully my bags were by the door and I rushed over grabbing them before rushing out into the yard towards the road._

_“Y/N? Y/N, please!” John yelled but I only ran faster until I was far away from any Winchesters._

       All too soon the sign for home came into view and with it the hotel where I’d made reservations for the weekend. Although my father and stepmother would have insisted I stay home this was easier. It would be a needed escape in case this weekend was a bust. My nerves were already on high alert at the thought of seeing anyone again after I’d flown town years ago. I had cut off all communications including changing my number to avoid everyone except for Charlie of course. I doubted there was a person alive who could hide from Charlie Bradbury but we spoke often and she promised to keep my return quiet.

      After checking in and[ quickly dressing](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.polyvore.com%2Fpromotion_party%2Fset%3Fid%3D226922392&t=MDU4YWI2YjM4ODE3MmE1YmYwZjQxOTI1MTg2NjhiNzA4NjNmOGY2ZixSc2xxZWdBTQ%3D%3D&b=t%3A8ptHxLG97OGsa0ohbjx_OA&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdocharleythegeekqueen.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F164472934954%2Fhow-to-hurt-me&m=1) I swallowed a tiny bottle of vodka to still my nerves and took a cab to the event hall that my stepmother had rented for the party. Stepping out I realized I was underdressed compared to those around me but then again it’s nothing that would surprise anyone that knew me. I turned back, handing the cabbie his money.

      “Y/N? Y/N, is that you?” I’d recognize that warm voice anywhere and turned meeting the eyes of Jessica Moore. Jess had always been beautiful but since I’d last seen her she had grown to be breathtaking.

       “Hi Jess,” I managed with a smile before I could react her arms are thrown around me squeezing me tight.

       “God, I’ve missed you Y/N. We all have you have no idea how much,” she whimpered. “Sam and I have been looking for you since you left.”

       “Sorry Jess just after what happened and everything I just needed a clean break. That was just a really bad day for me.”

      To her credit Jess looked guilty, “It was and we certainly didn’t help matters any. We’re you’re friends Y/N. After everything, Sam and I talked and realized we over-reacted but by then you were gone and we couldn’t find you. I mean we were just surprised but Dean thought it was awesome.”

       I held up my hand to stop her, “Jess I really appreciate it but I just can’t talk about it. It took me a long while to move forward and to be honest John hurt me more than I care to admit. I can’t put myself back there.”

       Jess nodded in understanding before grabbing my hand, “Well, come on I know everyone will be dying to see you.”

       I allowed Jess to lead me inside the brightly decorated hall stopping first to speak to my parents. Despite the initial snub of my attire both my father and stepmother appeared happy to see me. Jess explained Sam was running a last-minute errand as she stirred me to the table with our friends. Charlie, Jo, Benny, Kevin, and Garth all greeted me warmly as if no time had passed at all. Surprisingly I was introduced to a new member to the group Castiel Novak. I was even further shocked to hear he was actually Dean’s significant other. He seemed a bit odd but during our conversation, he immediately won me over and I had no doubt he made Dean very happy.

      “Sam! Over here!” Jess called interrupting the conversations and before long I was standing face to face with the youngest Winchester. Sam had certainly changed from the lanky boy who sat with me in study hall. He took a moment looking me over and I wasn’t sure what expression he held on his face before quickly pulling me into a hug that put Jess’ hug to shame.

     “We missed you kiddo,” he laughed stepping back showing off his dimples. Now there was the boy I remembered.

     “Yeah, you too,” I offered. “But what have you been eating?”

     Sam and Jess chuckled as I moved over making room for Sam next to Jess. Soon conversations picked up and it reminded me of how much I must have missed. It was nice to be with my friends again and maybe I could stand to keep in touch a little more. Before long Dean joined us and regaled us with the story of how he met Castiel. It was a beautiful story although I wished I could ignore the tiny pang of jealousy in my heart.

     However, it seemed a blanket of silence fell across the table as Dean stopped mid-conversation looking over my shoulder his face twisted in a grimace. He moved back kicking Sam’s chair, “Did you tell her?”

    Sam’s eyes widened as I looked at him before he looked back to Dean shaking his head, “I didn’t even think Dean. I’m so sorry.”

    Before I could ask Dean grabbed my hand and looked at me with sympathy that made me cringe, “Y/N listen. I’m so sorry.”

    I shook my head looking around the table as all eyes were drawn to me. Some concerned, others sad, and a few unable to make eye contact. I pulled my hand from Dean before turning to where he’d been staring. My heart dropped at the sight and I knew why he felt the need to warn me. John Winchester was shaking hands with my father across the room. He looked absolutely amazing in a dark gray suit and a neatly trimmed beard. But it was the beautiful blonde in the sparkling dress that distracted me. The woman was probably around John’s age but the way she looked at him as if he set the stars in the sky was something I was well-acquainted with. It hit me then that all my friends must have known what happened to make me leave.

    “Does everyone here know?” I demanded locking eyes with Sam.

    “Yes but just at this table,” Charlie spoke up. “I never told you because I wanted you to tell me in your own time, Y/N.”

     “Fuck,” I buried my head in my hands taking a deep breath before sitting up shoving off Dean’s hand that was on my shoulder. “Well, if this is my Dad’s party that means there is alcohol. So if everyone will excuse me I’m going to get drunk.”

     I stood up without another word and headed in the direction of the bar making sure not to look in John or his dates direction and prayed I could make it through tonight without him seeing me. As expected there was a bar set up and I made myself comfortable on a stool as the bartender came over with a smirk. He was handsome and I decided to focus my energy on him for the remainder of the evening. I was done with this little trip down memory lane.

     “What can I get you, Miss?”

    “Something brown and make it a triple,” I shrugged as he chuckled quickly pouring a drink and sliding it to me.

    “I’ve been told I’m a great listener if you’re interested,” he offered, taking his own drink and clinked it with mine.

   “I think I’d like that very much. I’m Y/N,” I stuck out my hand with the best come hither smile I could manage.

   He took my hand kissing my knuckles, “I’m Gadreel. So please tell me what’s on your mind?”

   Four drinks later and Gadreel had me pressed against the wall in the service area. His hands roamed my body as I ground my core on his thigh that was pressed between my legs. His lips sucked at my neck and collar bone pulling small whimpers as my head was pressed back against the wall giving him access. I knew I’d probably regret this in the morning but right now Gad felt warm and firm and I desperately wanted to lose myself in the sensations. I gasp as his hand slipped into my panties his long fingers thrust into my dripping core pumping me slowly amidst a litany of gasps.

     “Don’t tease me Gadreel,” I pleaded needing so much more. “Your breaks over in ten minutes and we’re not leaving until you’ve been inside me.”

     “You are a filthy girl, Y/N,” he growled pulling me into a forceful kiss as his hand slipped from my core and he spun me forcing me against the wall.

    “Unfortunately you’re not wrong and I do have a job to do,” Gadreel pulled my panties down and forced me to step out of them when he quickly shoved them in his back pocket. “I think I’ll hold onto those.”

     “I better get those back,” I smirked as he forced my legs wide and slowly slid his cock into my core. Gadreel was big and my pussy stretched as he pulled my hair back and my jacket down to place wet kisses along my shoulders. “Fuck, move! Fuck me, Gad!”

     “My pleasure,” Gadreel slid his hands up my arms until they covered my own holding them against the wall as he quickly began thrusting in and out of my core. He knew what he was doing and I whimpered at the delicious filling of being filled over and over again. He buried his face into my neck as we both quickly approached our ends groaning against one another until movement caught my eye.

    “Oh fuck!” I gasped as my eyes locked with John’s while Gadreel hit a sensitive spot inside forcing the first waves of my orgasm. I couldn’t look away from John. His eyes were wide with anger, and his hands clutched into tight fists at his side. I hope the sight of Gadreel fucking me hurt him as much as saying being with me had been a mistake.

     “I’m going to come,” Gadreel uttered into my ear still unaware I was giving John a show. I closed my eyes to John letting my head roll back onto Gad’s shoulder.

      “Fill me up. Fucking come!” I ordered suddenly feeling angry at the whole thing as Gadreel exploded sending me into my own orgasm. Gadreel was whispering endearments into my ear as he slowed but I couldn’t force myself to piece together what he was saying to me. When he finally slipped out and used napkins to clean the cum dripping from my core I looked up to find that John had vanished. Or perhaps he had never been there, to begin with. Either way, I was deliciously sore and threw my arms around Gad kissing him as he smoothed my dress over my hips. “So any chance I can get those panties back?”

     Gadreel smiled, “I thought perhaps I’ll return them tonight after a late dinner.”

     “Late dinner?”

    Gadreel’s hand cupped my mound under my dress, “I believe it would be a pity not to end the night without tasting you. May I give you a ride home later?”

     “As long as that’s not the only ride you plan to give me?” I wouldn’t mind another round. I hadn’t been with anyone since John and Gadreel knew exactly how to play with me so why avoid him. Plus I’d be out of town in a few more days so it was simply sex and nothing more.

     “I can arrange that beautiful,” he smiled kissing my forehead. “I’ll return to my post now. I’ll see you afterward.”

     I simply nodded as he hurried down the corridor slipping through the door John had been near. My legs ached and I sunk to the floor carefully to keep my dress tucked under me mindful of my nakedness. The buzz I had built from the few drinks had evaporated in the adrenaline of the moment with Gadreel. I quickly stood straightening myself up before I returned to the main hall shooting Gadreel a wink heading back to the table where my friends still sat. Everyone seemed to share nervous glances but nothing else was said as the music began. I looked over to Cas and asked if I could dance with his boyfriend. He waved us off and Dean took my hand leading me to the floor where the music was playing.

     “I guess those drinks did you some good,” Dean chuckled as we swirled to the music.

     “Not really but the bartender certainly did.” I looked over where Gadreel was busy serving and turned back to Dean. “He was really good.”

      “You didn’t?”

      “I actually did,” I smiled until I looked to the couple approaching us.

      “Dean, who is your friend?” asked the blonde woman hanging on John’s arm. Dean swallowed looking between us and I could see the discomfort as he tried to speak.

      I put out my hand, “I’m Y/N MacLeod. I’m Crowley’s daughter.”

      She took my hand into her smooth palm, “It’s a pleasure Y/N. I’m John’s girlfriend Kate Milligan. I’ve heard a lot about you from John and the boys.”

      “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Kate. You’re beautiful John’s a lucky man,” I made sure to meet his eyes when I complimented her and there was something unknown there.

      “I’m very lucky to have her,” John offered quickly matching my gaze. I only smirked. “Dean why don’t you spin Kate around and I’ll catch up with Y/N. If that’s okay with you, sweetheart?”

      “I think it’s a great idea. Come on Dean, show me your moves,” Dean looked at me and I nodded as he pulled away taking Kate with him. Before I could move John was in front of me pulling my arm around him and taking my other hand as the music slowed into a soft romantic melody. Something I desperately didn’t want right now.

      “Did you enjoy the show?” I spit as his hand squeezes mine.

      “I think you know I didn’t Princess. What the hell were you thinking?”

     “I was thinking I hadn’t had sex in a while and he was willing to play. Nothing you need to worry about John. You’re not my father,” I squeezed his hand back and he only smirked before pulling me tighter.

      “Why didn’t you stop that day, Y/N? Why did you run?” John asked sadly.

      “Why does it matter John? I was a mistake remember?”

      John stopped, “You have to know I didn’t mean that. I just didn’t know what to do. You know you weren’t a mistake, Princess.”

      I pulled away from John making sure to make it look inconspicuous, “Don’t call me that. It was just sex John and you’re right it was a mistake. I should have never acted on how I felt. Go back to your girlfriend and leave me alone.”

     I didn’t give him a chance to speak as I left the dance floor making a beeline for the entrance hall. I had enough of this party to last me for another decade. Once I was outside I remembered that I had taken a cab and that Gadreel was supposed to give me a ride home. But suddenly the whole thought of seeing Gadreel again made me feel sick. I didn’t know him and I had sex with him for what? Revenge? I wrapped my arms tightly around myself and began walking down the street ignoring the air that blew up my dress and the way my thighs rubbed against one another still damp from the sex with Gadreel.

     “Y/N!” Dean’s voice boomed from behind me and I quickened my pace just wanting this night to end. “Y/N, please just wait a minute.”

     “I’m going home, Dean. I’m tired and this was a mistake. I never should have come back,” I choked on the words feeling emotions bubble up.

      Dean suddenly grabbed my arm and I turned meeting his eyes and the eyes of Castiel, Sam, Charlie, and Jess, “You can’t run away again. We care about you and you don’t have to be alone.”

      “Yes, I do. I need to be alone and quit being so damn stupid. I just had sex with a guy I didn’t know to piss off your father Dean. That’s not me. I feel gross and stupid and I just want to go home. Being here brings me nothing but pain. I’m tired of being everyone’s mistake. My father doesn’t care about me, the man I love is old enough to be my father, and he called me a mistake. I remember how the hell Sam and Jess looked at me that day. Just leave me alone. All of you!” I shout rushing across the street away from them. But I didn’t look and their shouting made me turn too late before the car struck.

      “Y/N!” I heard John’s voice as I rolled across the top of the car and landed haphazardly on the asphalt. The pain was shooting everywhere and I held up my hand to see it covered in blood before trying to pull my dress down. “Y/N, hold on Princess.”

     I looked up to John as he pulled my dress down then laid his jacket over me, “Was that a car? How cliché is that John?”

      John softly caressed my face, “The ambulance is on their way. You just keep talking to me okay. I can’t lose you again.”

      “Mr. Winchester I’m a doctor,” Cas’ voice interrupted and he reluctantly moved away as Cas knelt beside me. “Y/N, can you tell me exactly what’s hurting at the moment.”

      “Everything Cas,” the world around me was fuzzy as Cas began checking me over the sounds of sirens blaring in the distance.

     “What the hell happened?” I heard my father booming as he was soon on the other side of me. “Y/N, love, what happened?”

      “I’m sorry Dad. I know I’m a handful but on the bright side I’m probably going to die now so you and Elizabeth don’t have to worry about me anymore.”

       “Oh love,” my father actually sounded upset this was new.

       “Well, Cas?” John suddenly demanded.

       “It appears some broken bones, skin abrasions, possible collapsed lung, and some broken ribs. I won’t know the full extent until we get her to the ER,” Castiel began rattling off orders to the paramedics as Dad and John stepped away. By the time I was loaded up I was just grateful for the drugs they had begun pumping into my system.

        Luckily, the car hadn’t been going too awfully fast. I had a sprained ankle, two cracked ribs, some bruising, and some minor scratches. The worst was my thigh that had skidded across the asphalt and that’s where the blood had come from. All in all, I was very lucky but they were still planning to keep me in the hospital overnight for observation. I’m pretty sure Castiel had a hand in that but at least I was alive.

        “How are you feeling now?” I looked up to meet my father’s eyes.

        “I’m fine Dad. Honestly, I don’t know what I was saying earlier. I did get hit by a car,” I waved him off just wanting to sleep.

        “We’re going to discuss this Y/N. I know that I’m not the best father but I do love you and I only want the best for you. I’m sorry for failing you in that matter,” Dad looks away before leaning over and presses a kiss to my forehead. “Get some rest I’ll be back first thing in the morning to bring you home.”

       “Okay, Dad. I’ll be here. Love you!” He nods and disappears out the door leaving me alone once more. I settle back into the pillows closing my eyes waiting for sleep when the door opens and closes. I keep my eyes closed ignoring whoever it is hoping they’ll go away.

       A chair scrapes the floor before whoever sits beside me. When he takes my hand I know though. I feel the scratch of his beard as he kisses my hand then holds it under his chin, “I’m so sorry for this Princess. I broke up with Kate. She wasn’t the one for me. I should have chased you.”

      I pull my hand away, “John you’re just feeling guilty. Don’t.”

      “You’ve changed so much. What happened to my shy little Princess?”

      “If you call me that one more time I swear I’ll punch you in the throat,” I grumbled as he chuckled.

      “Fair enough,” he answers before releasing my hand. I can’t bring myself to look at him right now. “I’m sorry for fucking this up.”

      “What?”

      “Whatever we could have had I royally fucked it up. I just didn’t want Jess or Sam to be mad at you. Calling you a mistake was uncalled for. You have to know you weren’t one,” I can only gape at John as he spills but as I try to speak he holds his hand up. “I knew you didn’t like thunderstorms. That’s why I stayed up that night. I just hoped you’d come down. Just to spend time with you but when you kissed me I threw caution out the window. I know you’re so much younger than me and I feel like a fucking pervert but I love you, Y/N. I thought letting you run off was best for you but it killed me. When Crowley told me what school you were attending I actually drove up to find you. I sat outside the college for hours and realized how fucked up this was. You’re young and you have a whole life in front of you so I left and I let you go. But seeing you tonight made me realize age or not I can’t fake those feelings.”

     “John?” I grab his hand tightly. I don’t know what else to say or what to do with his confession.

     “Just tell me what you need me to do and I’ll do it. I’ll do anything to make up for all this. I can’t let you walk away. I don’t care what gets said I’ll go through hell if that’s what it takes to make you mine.”

     “John, it was two days,” I offered weakly although my whole body was humming at his declaration of love.

     “I’ve thought about those two days for two years. I only started seeing Kate about a month ago because I hoped she would take my mind off you. It didn’t work. She understood and I think she knew the moment you both met. The boys know and I’ll tell your father myself if you will give me a chance to prove how much I love you.”

     “I’m going need some time to process John. I’m a little out of it because of the drugs but I’ve been hurting for two years and you want me to just run back into your arms. I don’t know what to do,” it wasn’t a lie. Although the only thing I actually did want was to run into his arms.

     “Take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere,” he smiled although there was sadness there. I squeezed his hand trying to offer small reassurances because I was slowly losing the fight against the drugs to put me to sleep.

     “Okay. May I ask for one thing before the drugs win?”

    “Anything,” he leaned forward.

    “Kiss me,” I whimpered. His smile grew wider and he stood to lean down taking my face into his hands. His lips were soft and the scratch of his beard was welcomed as he kissed me softly but never tried to deepen it. He pulled away placing a smaller kiss to my forehead before sitting back into the chair.

     I scooted over slightly ignoring the ache and patted the mattress. He climbed into the bed without argument wrapping his arm around me allowing me to cuddle next to him comfortably as his hand softly ran through my hair, “Get some sleep, Princess. I’m not leaving your side ever again.”


End file.
